How to Validate Your Child’s Feelings: A Guide for Moms
As a mom, you're no stranger to the emotional rollercoaster of raising children. Whether your little one is crying over a lost toy or your teenager is stressing about an upcoming exam, their emotions can sometimes feel overwhelming. However, as a psychologist, I want to share with you one of the most powerful tools in parenting: validation. Here's why validation matters and how you can incorporate it into your everyday interactions with your child.
Why Validation Is Crucial:
Validation means acknowledging and accepting your child’s feelings without judgment, even if you don’t fully agree with their perspective or behavior. When children and teens feel heard and understood, they develop stronger emotional intelligence, greater self-esteem, and a more connected relationship with you. Validation helps your child feel respected and valued for who they are, fostering a sense of safety and trust in your relationship.
Practical Tips for Validating Your Child’s Feelings:
Listen Actively Put down your phone, make eye contact, and give your child your full attention when they express their feelings. Active listening shows that you’re genuinely present and invested in their experience.
Reflect What You Hear Paraphrase or summarize what your child has said to show that you understand their emotions. Avoid jumping to solutions too quickly—sometimes, just being heard is all they need.
Teen: "I feel like no one gets me at school."
You: "It sounds like you’re feeling really isolated and misunderstood at school."
Name Their Emotions Help your child identify and label what they’re feeling. This can be especially important for younger children who may not have the vocabulary to express themselves fully.
You: "You seem really frustrated right now."
You: "It looks like you’re feeling nervous about the test tomorrow."
Avoid Minimizing or Dismissing Their Feelings Statements like “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not a big deal” can invalidate your child’s emotions and make them feel unheard. Instead, acknowledge the importance of their feelings.
Instead of: "It’s just a test. Why are you so stressed?"
Try: "I can see how much this test means to you. It’s understandable that you’d feel stressed."
Share Your Own Experiences (When Appropriate) Relating to your child’s feelings can help them feel less alone. However, be careful not to shift the focus to your own experiences or make the conversation about you.
You: "I remember feeling really nervous before big tests, too. It’s tough to deal with that kind of pressure."
Validate Without Agreeing Validation doesn’t mean you have to agree with your child’s actions or decisions. It’s about acknowledging their emotions, even if you don’t support their behavior. This helps them feel understood without reinforcing negative patterns.
Teen: "I hate my teacher. They’re so unfair."
You: "It sounds like you’re really frustrated with how things are going in class. That must be tough."
The Power of Validation:
By consistently validating your child’s feelings, you’re equipping them with the tools to navigate life’s challenges. They’ll learn that emotions are not something to be feared or ignored, but rather, something to be understood and processed. Validation helps children build resilience, emotional intelligence, and healthier coping skills.
As a mom, validation doesn’t require you to have the perfect words or endless amounts of time. What it requires is presence, empathy, and a willingness to meet your child where they are emotionally. When you validate their feelings, you’re giving them a gift they can carry with them for a lifetime—confidence in their own emotional experiences and the knowledge that they are loved and understood, no matter what.